Dust

I struggle with my feelings

letting go

clinging on

trying to just move on

but i just keep on

reliving the time

we spent

the nights up late

the talks

the memories

the fights

the highlights

the laughs

the times i cried

the times you lied

 

 

I didnt mean to run

I got in too deep

I'm sorry I freaked

out in the night

waiting for the light

on my phone to shine

hoping it would be you

this time

without you i'm lost

wondering alone amongst the dust

it chokes me up

i can barely breathe

from the dry dirt

 

would it be too much to

beg for forgivness

or

ask you to change

your mind?

I shouldnt have reacted

and shut you out

that's just who i am

out of sight

out of mind

but this time

it hurts more than

I could have

ever imagined.

call me what you will

I deserve it

go ahead

give it to me good

  

feeling like a failure

heart bleeding like ink soaking in on paper

all over the airwaves

pushed to the edge

to the point of no return

will we learn from the wrongs

we have done along

 

fighting off the feelings

that lead me back to you

looking for distractions

facing the fear of being alone

recalling that last look in your eyes

the last words that fell from your mouth

that's enough to remind me

of why i'm here.

I have so much I want to say

to you just to get even

but I've got to move on

leave you to your self defeat

leave you to your own retreat

do you see me walking away

I'm walking away.

 

Note To Self

I re-live yesterday

I watch you slip away.

The pain is still here,

It never disappeared.

Hot like a volcano

Both of us so volatile

We danced around the truth

Until the lies set us free.

Free from destiny

From what we could be

The distance between us

Has grown too much

There’s no going back

To what we had

To what we could be

Living separate lives

Our past has been archived

In the library of love

Another book on the shelf

As another note to self

Hardened by the tears

They soften through the years

The past is the past

There’s no going back

Never Fall

waiting for the bottom to drop
feeling the heart stop
dead in my chest
hope for the best
you started out playing me
but i caught on and played too, see
lies encircle lies
like vultures fly
around their prey
nothing more to say

I'm done with the game
I want to be whole again
(pure like when)
i felt love unconditional
and felt the same irrational
feelings that made us
do crazy things in lust
or was it love?
was it ever really love.......
was it the chase
that made me a head case?

The feelings dissapate
I start to relate
I found distraction
another attraction
to keep my attention
towards another direction
(away from you)
Always someome else
to fill in the holes
keep me on my toes
share the highs and lows

replace you in my head
to kiss me as i go to bed
the safety and security
i feel are my surety
to a life of happiness
no more gambling on blackjacks
I'm the Queen in his Heart
in this new start
this house will not fall
never will we fall

THE LAST TIME

Promises made and never kept.

Inside I harden with every disappointment.

The distance that grows between us,

Makes it that much easier to shake my head at trust.

We part ways, by my own choice.

It’s not a disgrace, I needed my own space.

The ‘I’m sorrys’ that you say, never matter anyway.

Just meaningless words you utter to make me stay.

CHORUS:

This time is the last time.  The last time I let you keep me.

The last time I make me believe your plea.

The last time.

Walking away was so much easier than I thought it could ever be.

The closure is what is eating away at me.

You consume my thoughts; you’re in my every waking moment,

And haunting my dreams in the dark.

No matter my opposition, you’re still in position.

At the forefront of my brain, driving me insane.

This isn’t what I expected to happen.

I’m still trapped in.

 
CHORUS:

This time is the last time.  The last time I let me keep me.

The last time I think of you thinking of me.

The last time.
 

BRIDGE:

Remind myself of your twisted tongue, the lies.

The nights you didn’t come home,

The times you didn’t answer your phone.

CHORUS:

This time is the last time.  The last time I let me keep me.

The last time I think of you thinking of me.

The last time,

The last time,

The last time,

The last time,

The last time,

The last time,

The last time,

The last time.

Chances Are

If I had the chance to show you how I feel
Would you take a chance and open your eyes.
If I had the chance to touch you like I want
Would you take a chance and close your eyes.

Would you trust me enough

Would you love me back
Would you be the one I dream of

The past is slipping away

Long forgotten are yesterdays.
The future is closing in
But when do we begin?
Soon it will be over
Another day passed
And you’re not here

If I told you what my heart wants to say

Would you take the time and listen to my words
If I wrote you the song my mind wants to sing
Would you stop in time to hear my words

Would you keep an open mind

Would you like what you hear
Would you feel the same as I do


Chances are you won’t
Chances are you don’t
Chances are I’ll look a fool

Chances are I’ll still be blue

Burn the lie

I take the lighter to guide my way,

Burn the webs that criss-cross the decay

The fire burns brighter for a moment

Then quickly fades

Reminds me of our time together that we spent

We were so hot, so intense

That night alone just you and I

Lead to distractions and deceptions

Burn the webs that tangled our lives

Weaved in and out through yours and mine

Tainted our thoughts

Twisted our tongues

Lie against lie which one of us will survive.

Who are we trying to fool?

Why are we trying to deceive?

Both one and the same

No one is going to win this game.

Light these webs

Up in flames

Cleanse our veins

Leave the past behind

Set the future forward

Try to take back our innocence.

Take it back, take it back, take it back…………………………….

Burn the lie...............Burn the lie................

Burn the webs that tangled our lives

Weaved in and out through yours and mine

Tainted our thoughts

Twisted our tongues

Slave to Desire

I’m standing with the distance between us and it seems so safe But the thoughts in my head cause me so much grief I want to get close, lose my inhibitions and see what comes. But I cant take the chance to show you how I feel Rejection is too much to bare if your heart is not there. So I sit, idly by as the time, the hours, the days, the years move on. I’m caught in a trap and all I do is look back at the would of’s the should of’s the could of’s Staring down the hole of an empty bottle realizing regret is my only friend, I cant shake free from its noose, the hold it has powers my every move. My heart wants to speak the beautiful words I feel, but my head knows that wont help me heal. The battle that rages within has become too much for me to hold in. Knowing its wrong to feel so strong, I back down, turn away I go back to the place where I know the only hurt I will feel is my own Because in my dreams you love me, and in my dreams I can be safe to feel for you what I wish I could for real. How is it that you hurt me, but you don’t have a clue. I'm just a slave to my desires, I wish they would come true. Let me hide inside the lies I tell myself to make me believe I make myself believe, but that may not be what I really need.

Searching for the answers inside my head the truth stands out amongst my lies. Time to wake up, snap out of this mess, break free from your chains that bind me.