“We all break the same”

This Sunday will mark the one year of 'letting someone down'. Someone I admired and hell, even adored for, well, let’s just say a very long time. Why can’t I get over it?

Maybe the harsh way things were left is what eats away at me, almost, daily. Maybe I miss the interesting thoughts and poignant conversations. The points of view helping me guide my own theories along the way, as they have for the years previous, just in a different light. Maybe I think of all the different possibilities that could have been; working towards a common goal.

Telling me I ‘just don’t understand’ for how things spiraled out of hand and then walking away, isn’t an answer. I think of what the answer could be; and the answer changes every time I think about the situation. The final result is that there was never an answer. All I can surmise is that it was just an excuse to be done with the whole situation; so was it my fault in the first place? I guess I will never know. And that too sticks with me every damn day. The failure of it all is just something that doesn’t settle well with me. Don’t think that I’m not mad at myself for what happened. But without an answer, how I can never move on to fix what was broken.

After so many people hurt or screw you over, I can see why 2nd chances are not an option for 1st offenders. Just move on to the next in line, I’m sure there are plenty to choose from. Whether they are better choices, or not, I suppose that will be remain to be seen. It was never my intention to screw anyone over, and I understand how people can disappoint. I know I must have done so, yet, I too was disappointed.

In short, this is my apology to those involved. I expect no sympathy, nor a response, not that anyone involved will even read this or know it exists. But I still will hope/pray for peace and goodwill for them. This is something that I’ve needed to get off my chest. Whether I blame myself or not, isn’t what I’m after here. I’m just here to say ‘sorry’ and that I truly meant it the 1st time I said it.